Fall in KC

The leaves are turning bright red and orange, the KC air is getting crisp, the seasons are changing... as they seem to do quite often here in both dynamics, climate and life. I knew upon my arrival here, exactly one year ago last Tuesday, that I was not here to settle down and grow comfortable with a regular routine. When I finished my internship and decided to join part-time staff I new I needed to get a part-time job to help me get my head above water financially. The Lord blessed me with a great job with literally no "job hunt" prior to getting it. After three months a juggling my commitments with staff at IHOP and my job, I have decided to finish with this last group of interns and pull out for a season and focus on my job full time. I believe the Lord specifically placed me here for a reason. I am working in a high end design studio down town and am surrounded by darkness, homosexuality, and broken, lost people. I have overheard how some of them talk about Christians, or "churchy people," but the Lord has given me favor with all of them. There is a unique dynamic there and solid relationships are being built between me and most of them. For once in my life I am not just "blending in" with my co-workers, and although I'm not jumping up on the tables and preaching, I'm standing firm in my beliefs, and showing them the love of Christ. I am still staying connected to the House of Prayer, playing on a couple of worship teams, and currently doing an eight week inner healing course called Pure Heart. I don't know if full-time work is going to be a long season or not, I do desire full-time ministry or missions, but it is evident that this is what I'm being called to right now. Please pray for me in this time that I am able to stay steady and be a light in the darkness.

Here and now.

As I was nearing the end of my internship here at IHOP I was faced with many decisions. My flesh was telling me, " you're done, go back to Texas and continue where you left off," however my heart was telling me to stay and experience whatever it is that the Lord still has for me here. One of my big decisions was whether or not to accept the staff position that was offered to me. Again it was battle between my flesh and my heart. Thankfully I was able to discern that it was indeed only my flesh that was ready to call it quits and head home. I was recently in Dallas and Colorado for three weeks and as great as it was being back home with family and friends, I knew in my heart it was not time for me to be there for good.
I am now taking on the role as an "Internship Core Leader." I will be working with the people that staffed my internship (Intro. to IHOP). They are starting something new this time around, and adding a "teen track" within the internship. Because whole families go through this in particular internship, there are usually a few teens, but being summer time there are quite a few this time. Myself and one other will be leading the group of teens. I will be attending classes with them, leading break out sessions, leading a weekly small group, doing one on ones throughout the week, as well as committing to at least 12 hours a week in the prayer room. My heart has grown tremendously toward youth in the past few months, as I have been working with the summer camps and student ministries. For a long time I just thought each generation was getting worse and worse and there was no hope for the youth of our nation. But now I am seeing a generation of radical children and teens that are deciding to give themselves wholly to a lifestyle of prayer and intercession in the midst of the darkness that is all around them in there schools and daily activities. I remember the impact that older men of God had on my life when I was growing up in my teen years, and I believe the Lord has placed me here and gifted me to be able to really pour into these kids, as well as be a mentor and a friend.
From day one of my journey to IHOP I have prayed for the Lords direction and guidance. I feel very strongly that I have been on the right path toward walking out the plan He has for my life. This next season with last another three months, in which I will then re-evaluate and ask the Lord, "what's next?" One thing I have learned about this particular season of life is that I can not plan for the future.

What Now?

Well I'm now gaining on the end of my internship... only three weeks left. So for a while now I've been asking the Lord, "What now?" I've been praying about whether or not to go home or stay, not exactly knowing what I would do here or there. The Lord really gave me peace a few weeks ago and said not to worry about it... the door will open to what I'm supposed to do next. I knew that I did not want to stay here unless I had a distinct purpose. I don't want to just float around the prayer room, while struggling to raise support, with no vision.
Within the past couple of weeks a series of opportunities have presented themselves. The leadership staff of my internship has asked me to join them as a core leader for the next internship, specifically leading the teen track. It was a very encouraging time for me as they blessed me and told why they want me to join their team. There is alot of stress flowing through everyone right now as all the internships are ending and so many trying to join staff and worrying about landing somewhere where they won't be happy. The very same day, I was asked to consider working for IHOP security only two days a week for a $500 a month work scholarship, this would help tremendously with my support raising. I could easily manage both positions with plenty of prayer room/ free time. Just yesterday I was approached by a worship leader here who leads worship for The Call, as well as many other events, to chat about future possibilities. I don't even know how she knew me or heard that I played... I knew who she was but had never met her. I think there is some significance to the lining up of all these opportunities. The Lord has really been speaking to me in different ways, as well as others that have been prophesying over me.
I have not made any decisions yet and am still waiting on the Lord. I had almost made up my mind to come home as soon as this is over, because I miss my family and am tired of the financial struggle, but I refuse to be anywhere but in the Lords will. So I will continue to wait on Him and ask that you join me in prayer as decision time is getting closer. Please email me or call me if you hear anything you would like to share or just to connect, I would love it.

"Go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasures in heaven. Then come, folllow me."

My prayers for the last month or so has predominately been for financial breakthrough. I have been asking the Lord all sorts of questions such as, "Why are you not providing for me?", "Is this not what you have called me to?", "What am I doing wrong?", etc. I wanted to believe that the Lord was doing a work in me through this struggle, but I just could not figure out what he could be trying to teach me. Isn't the Lord so Great is his mysterious ways? As I have stayed faithful to him and to my calling he has transformed my heart in such a huge way. I felt the Lord saying to me, "lay it down." What was he talking about? He was talking about everything... all of my worldly possessions. I surrendered every part of my life to the Lord some time ago, as far as hidden sin, areas of inward struggles, etc. But now the Lord has called me to lay down all my earthly possessions. As I finally, in a place of brokenness said "Yes Lord," a Faith that I have never experienced rose up in me, as well as a burning desire to give, give, and give some more. The Bible says to be a cheerful giver, and the original "O" in the IHOP acronym stands for extravagant Offerings. I have been faithful in my tithing in the past, but it was only because I was scared not to. It honestly did not bring me joy for my hard earned money to go into the hands of a ministry or to the poor. I was always kinda like, "Ok God, I did it... now give it back." I have never had the heart posture required to receive the blessings that God longs to give his people that cheerfully give to him. Two nights ago I was praying and made my first deal with the Lord. I said, "If you bless me with a gift tomorrow, I will give all of it right back to your kingdom." I made it specific, I wanted someone to just walk up and hand me some money. That has never happened to me before. The next day as I was walking into class, I knew it was gonna happen. At the end of class we were walking out and a women walked up and handed me $100 dollars. So of course I thanked the Lord and got excited thinking about how I was gonna give it back. So, today I was in the prayer room for four hours praying about how to give it away. The Lord highlighted a guy I know that was in there praying. I pulled him aside and told him the Lord told me to pass on a blessing to him. Turns out he was praying for money and was overdrawn exactly $100 in his bank and had a check he really needed, but would have done him no good putting it in the bank because of his balance. I experienced a new kind of joy today. I believe this is the breakthrough the Lord has been waiting for in order to pour out his blessings on me.

Intro. to I.H.O.P

I have now endured 100 hours (2 weeks) of my internship. The schedule is quite intense and can be overwhelming on certain days, but its nice to not have a single other commitment right now. The first week was pretty hard as I was burdened with finances and overcome with fear and worry. I felt that I had to press in so hard in the prayer room in order for the Lord to hear my prayers that I would leave physically sore. The beginning of this week I received some prophetic wisdom from others, as well as the Lord speaking to me directly to rest and just posture myself to receive. There was an overwhelming peace that came over me. Trusting God for each day is one of the most difficult things I have ever had to learn, but I'm almost there. This week was a sweet time of refreshing, the Lord met me at a place of being burdened and weary and breathed his breath of life into me. I have finally gained the fascination for the book of revelations and Jesus' end time battle plan. This is something i have struggled with ever since I have lived here. God has given me grace to really dig in and search it out, plus the teachings and studies we are doing over end times are amazing and pretty easy to follow. I'm am still contending daily for physical healing in my body. A women in my internship has a son that got called out at a conference by name and told that the Lord was gonna heal him of diabetes, she said that preacher did not know his name or that he was diabetic prior to that. It has now been 25 years and he still has diabetes. Rather than being frustrated about it, he lives everyday day with joyful hope. This is an encouragement to me, I know that Gods timing is perfect and that he has already delivered me from so much my entire life. There were so many times I could have ended up in jail or even dead. I know this internship is gonna be such a significant time in my life, I am already learning so much and God is placing a new passion in my heart for prayer and intercession. I'm still not quite sure what ministry God will place me in after this is over, but I feel confident that it will be a time of finding my true calling and passionately coming alive.

Spirits Up Sugars Down

My two week addiction-breaking/ body crashing period is over. I can now go all day with only decaf coffee and feel great. I had no idea how bad caffeine was affecting my body. I have so much more energy, natural energy, and I sleep so much better as well. A series of events is happening that is causing my sugars to stay down like never before. Me and Adam (new roommate) have gotten serious about getting more active. We have started swimming at the Y, and playing volleyball in a league. We're gonna start stadium stair running as soon as we find one we can get in to. I have found that swimming is the best exercise for me, it keeps my sugars under control, and I don't absolutely hate it... like every other workout. Besides the raw foods, the absence of caffeine, and more exercise, the peace that is in my spirit right now is a major contribution to the way I am feeling physically. When I first moved here, I didn't know what I was supposed to be doing, winter was just starting, it was just kind of a dark lonely time. But now I know that I'm in the Lords will, the weather is getting beautiful, and I'm meeting new friends cause people are actually getting out and doing things. There has been many times in the last year and a half that my sugars have gone down for a period and I thought that all of the "up and down" uncontrolled times where over. However, I feel like I am entering a very significant time in my life, and i am gonna see some serious changes that actually stick this time.

Letting go and letting HIM take control.

As you all know, five months ago the Lord called me to quit my job, my band, my worship team, leave my family, my friends, and my two precious dogs, and move to Kansas City. It has been a journey that I was not at all expecting. I have discovered what it is like to truly be in “the wilderness.” Over night I found myself in a new city with no band, no church community, no family living 5 miles down Miller road, no Rosco and Willy, and only two friends. Now five months later, I must honestly say, I am homesick and somewhat lonely. But throughout my journey through the lonesome wilderness one thing has happened; I have discovered a relationship with a man named Jesus. I thought that I knew this man pretty much my whole life; turns out I did not know him at all. So the sad story you just heard about a lonely homesick boy is actually a story of our great God leading me to a place of desperation and meeting me in a way I never knew was possible. I am so thankful for everything that I have gone through to get to this place. However, the struggle to keep the passionate flame burning is starting to become more and more of a challenge as I grow more comfortable with my surroundings and fall back into a routine life. So what am I doing here now? Well I have been working with my cousin Nick in the business of electrical equipment, spending minimal time in the House of Prayer, attending a home group that I’m starting to dread more each week, and spending countless hours in the evenings sitting in a house wondering, “What’s so different about my life now than when I was back in Texas?” My prayer ever since the day I got here is for his will to be done in my life. So I have now decided to surrender and go wherever he calls me.
It was about two weeks ago that I started asking him, “God is this really what you called me out here to do?” It did not take long before he started speaking to me, and revealing the call he has placed on my life. Right about this time, ironically I was faced with a decision of relocating with my cousin to Houston and continuing with work, or stay here in KC and be unemployed. I have always struggled to hear from the Lord, so for three days I positioned myself in order to hear a clear word, and waited. I heard two very specific things. The first thing he told me is that he created and gifted me to be a relentless worshipper, and that if I surrender to his calling, he will take me places I never imagined. The second thing I heard was him saying, “I have not even begun the work in you in which I brought you here for.” So my answer was clear… I am to stay here, live by faith, and allow the Lord to begin the season of growth that he has for me. I felt an overwhelming peace come over me… for about five minutes, then the fear started flooding in. What do I do? How do I make money? How do I be a relentless worshipper and pay my bills? The devil was doing his best to consume me with fear and doubt. I was driving down the road, almost in tears, dealing with all of these emotions, when I looked down and the clock said 1:11. I automatically thought to turn on the radio… who knows why. Instantly I heard the lyrics, “What if you just jumped... and closed you eyes. Would the hands that catch you, catch you by surprise?” I had never felt the peace of God so thick at that moment. I knew the Lord was telling me that he is going to take care of me through this season.
So where do I go from here? The Lord has called me to dive into the life of being a full-time intercessory missionary/ worshipper. Fancy title huh? What this means is that I am going to do and internship with the International House of Prayer starting in April. Sitting at the feet of Jesus, corporate intercession for city-wide revival , joining the angels around the throne in praise, mourning for the bridegroom in fasting, contending for healing, and operating in the prophetic- all for the renown of Christ- is the focus of this internship. It will consist of sixty hours a week of intense discipleship training. After completion of this three month period I will have several options to continue with IHOP such as, Forerunner school of ministry, Forerunner Music Academy, or join IHOP staff and serve in a number of different positions. Obviously it is on my heart to get involved with the worship teams, and as a worship leader. Asking for support is so far from my nature, it is an extremely difficult position for me to be in. But as I have stated above: I’m letting go and letting Him take control.